Because Then…I’m Flying

Newsflash–The world keeps turning without me…All the teachers have gone back to work, and the students return tomorrow. It’s interesting to step to the side and pull myself out of the game. Definitely a surreal experience to see how little I matter in the larger system of things. I mean, it’s comforting, too. Imagine a world where you were irreplaceable…The pressure that would create!

So, my journey officially begins. I’m feeling all the feels: excitement, anticipation, curiosity, fear, anxiety. I’m craving quiet solitude, while at the same time cherishing time with my family.

How easy it is to start filling up my days, weeks, months with things I feel like I need to do–odd jobs, appointments, visits to family, errands, chores. I think my challenge might be holding space for the work I promised myself when I decided to take the year off.

And judging by the way I crashed and burned out of nowhere last night, the work needs to be done.

I’m in transition. In my life, and also in the process of the coming year. I have a month before taking my daughter to school. A month to frame out my world: enroll in courses, make and save as much money as I can, make a loose plan for myself, get the van in solid shape. A month to connect with my people and revel in the solid ground that creates for me, us.

And then…I’m flying. I figure the work will come at home and on the road, in the quiet places. But also in the stressful, fearful moments when I’m facing life head on. ‘Cause that shit doesn’t let up, no matter how many miles I drive, or how far into the back country I walk myself. I guess that’s the point. To go inside and face it all. To find the strength of character to put things back into perspective and refocus on what’s good and right, and be thankful for the many opportunities and privileges I’ve been given.

I’m tired of the wallowing. It feels gross, like after I eat potato chips. Everyone goes through tough shit in their life. I’m tired of holding my bag of trauma and the negative emotional reactions that go with it. I’m ready to be done with it.

I hope to emerge from this year with an “Attitude of Gratitude.”

Because then…I’m flying.