And it Passes…For Now

It’s been a year.
I started with an idea, a little spark I held in my hands, so tender, so profound.
I was scared to share it, and then I did. And it all went sideways.
Mom sick. Dreams diverted. A journey I didn’t ask for, that I would not have missed.

I’m the great avoider. I’m the hide inside-er.
I’ve been sitting in my own darkness, bathing in feelings I couldn’t face.
Wading through the stars, consumed by the expanse of night
without understanding.

I’m suffocating my own heart. Refusing to honor and listen to what I feel.
Because
Shouldn’t you be in control of all that?
Shouldn’t you be healed by now?
Why can’t you just cope and move on? Bad shit happens to everyone. Deal with it.

But then, as I’m sitting there in the dark listening to myself breathe, to the sound of chaos and confusion, a feeling of warmth lands on my shoulder from the sun.

I feel sadness. I feel it. I hear it. I sense it.
I remember. I see. I trust.
I let go.
And it passes…for now.

A feeling of warmth lands on my shoulder from the sun.
A feeling of compassion and understanding floods over me.
I remember. I see. I trust.
And I can honor it, no longer hiding from it.
And it passes…
For now.