And just like that

Waking up as a teacher to hear that COVID cases are rising in your community at an alarming rate and it is imperative that everyone stay vigilant with social distancing and mask wearing,

And…

In the same breath hearing that it’s fine for you to be in a classroom of 27 elementary kids all day with no distancing and with no masks on as they eat…

Let’s just say the trusting, open surrendered being I tapped into a couple days ago was not who I was embodying this morning.

Isn’t that the way of healing though? It’s not some fake, toxic positivity where we all pretend life is full of conquerable challenges that make us better people. It’s getting knocked the fuck down all the time and rising up again and still finding something to hang onto and feel hopeful about. It’s falling shorter distances when we fall, and having a thicker cushion to catch ourselves. It’s the ability to find perspective and not be bowled over when a challenge arises, but instead be able to allow ourselves a reaction, and then have the grace to let it go, and flow.

Awareness:

Wow, I’m feeling like I want to freaking explode with anger as it seems like my safety as a teacher doesn’t matter.

Wow, I am so worked up right now I can feel it in my body, as tension in my neck and fluttering in my stomach. My jaw is clenched and my heartbeat is raised.

I really don’t want to feel like this all day.

I’m going to breathe and let go of this because I can’t change it anyways.

And just like that…I’m back. I remember that thought from the other day of being a trusting, open surrendered being.

That is the surrendering!

That feels like healing.