The Illusion

“It is from this place in our heart cave
where we are now
We watch the entire drama
that is our lives
We watch the illusion
with
unbearable compassion”
_{-Ram Dass}

The illusion…it insists that we take a step back and recognize some level of separation between ourselves and the “drama that is our lives.”

I had this nailed for a year in college. I was doing Kundalini Yoga daily…daily! I was studying Be Here Now like it was a bible. And I had the time and openness of spirit and mind to flow with the ideas and practice.

And now I have a lifetime of trauma and the burdens of adulthood that I carry around like a backpack. I embody my struggles. I am my struggles. And it’s what brings me to my knees when I realize I overcooked dinner or didn’t get all my work done, and I start to panic about the work week and how am I ever going to have enough money to take a sabbatical next year, and I’m a horrible mom and on and on and on.

What a concept…to actually put that shit down and see it for what it is. Something separate from me.

And you know what that means? I can put that heavy ass pack down and set up camp and dip in the creek and cook dinner and watch the sunset without it on my back. I am not the damn backpack.

Putting down the burden and drama of life and taking that step to the side and seeing it as separate from self…That’s the work for me right now.

Having the tools for self regulation,
Breaking the circuit that runs from trigger to reaction and adding in a pause.

That’s the work.

Eventually, I imagine, comes the unbearable compassion…for myself, for the world at large as we all struggle to figure it out separately, together.