Sometimes it feels like I’m the only unhappy person. I know that’s completely absurd. Obviously so many people are struggling and have it so much worse than I do. But from where I sit inside my head sometimes it seems like everyone else is moving forward. Getting married, starting a new degree, feeling successful at work, playing with their kids, hanging with friends.
Everyone else looks…
Happy
I am so tired of being down. I’m exhausted by it, annoyed. I want to be the happy person, living life fulfilled and seeing things from a positive point of view. I want to wake up excited to start the day and have energy after work for something other than taking a bath and going to sleep. I’m tired. So tired.
I haven’t been able to write because I haven’t wanted to face my inner world. The armor is up and I’m just crawling through my days right now. Teaching is a nightmare now. I used to feel lucky to have a job I never dreaded waking up for. Now I sit in the parking lot working up the nerve to go in.
I’m sorry…I’m sorry if I seem distant. I’m sorry I can’t answer your call. I’m sorry I am still down. It must take so much patience.
The snow fell last night. The first flakes are so magical…did you know that?
The first flakes are so magical. There’s a shift in energy the moment they float down.
A release. A settling of whatever brought them in.
And the silence is so beautiful.
A release. A settling.
Let it snow…
