Trust, and Heal

Well…I did it. I made the decision and took the leap. I gave my official notice and am taking a Leave of Absence from teaching next year. I have a small amount of money saved, a 2002 VW Eurovan, and no concrete plan.

I am terrified and proud of myself at the same time.

I have dreams of traveling in the Southwest, backpacking, finding cool odd jobs online, farming, working with horses, reading, sleeping, swimming in oceans and rivers, paddle boarding, connecting with people in my life, past and present, and myself.

But most of all, this is going to be a journey of healing…of discovering who I am after all this time of not paying attention to myself, and who I plan to become in the second 45 years of my life.

It’s exciting! It’s terrifying…

My savings is tiny and definitely not enough for rent, food, etc. The point is that I’ve put myself into a situation that demands a major shift and rethinking. In fact, the real point is that I’ve put myself into a situation that I have to give myself up to the Universe and trust…

That’s what’s so scary.

Trusting is not my strong suit. But just as I’m afraid of heights and love to rock climb for that moment when I reach the top and say, “Fuck yeah, I just did that,” I am afraid to trust and rely on myself to navigate the world…So, what better way to gain my footing than to make myself trust and rely on myself to literally navigate the world?!

So here we go…The leap into the internal abyss so I can trust, and heal.